When new members come to the board, it's often asked "do I post my BFP here?"
Long ago, there was a time when all BFP's were welcomed if you were an active member of the community. For a while that seemed to be gone and absolutely no BFP's were "allowed". Recently, it's gone back to those who are active members can post them.
So why is the debate always coming up? That's a very good question, and no matter the answer, it wont matter. This debate will arise every few months, get heated and die down. There will be clicky polls, unpopular opinions and arguments.
A couple suggestions before you think of posting your positive pregnancy test for all to see:
-Have you supported others and somewhat gotten your "name" out there?
-Have you put a "warning" in your title (ie. pg mentioned, bfp mentioned)
-Would you consider yourself a regular on the board?
If you have to ask yourself, or others, if you're a regular, you probably aren't. If you have posted on the board, either new post or responding, a small handful of times over several months, you're probably not recognized. We don't know if you read every single post and just don't post. We don't know you until you let us. Intro, participate, support, post random things, just get out there and get your name known.
Give support, get support. Simple as that.
I 100% agree with this Noah- thank you for posting. I certainly do not want people to get hurt by an unsuspecting BFP announcement, but at the same time, I don't want a new grad to feel 'shunned' off to pGal.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a step in the right direction since most of us have added 'PGAL/PAL Welcome' to our siggies. I lurk on pGal daily and comment and threads from grads I know and grads whom have commented on my posts on TTCAL.
Like I said in a thread yesterday (can't remember which one), I am often way more excited for women on TTCAL getting their BFPs than some women IRL because I know their struggles, I know their loss history and I've developed a bond with them that is not present with 99% of my IRL friends)- a bond of understanding loss.
Again, I agree. If you give support- you get support= post your BFP.
Thank you for posting! I agree that BFP's from regulars are welcome. I do worry that "allowing" BFP announcements will bring on the drive-bys. There are days I can handle that kind of stuff, or lurk on PGAL, and there are days I can't and need to stay on my safe TTCAL. However, just because I am having a bad day, does not mean it is ok to rain on someone else's parade. I welcome BFP posts (with warnings, of course!).
ReplyDeleteI completely agree! Give support, get support its that simple. It isn't fair to just lurk and blurt out questions all the time. We are somewhat of a "family" and families talk to one another not just stalk hehe ;-)
ReplyDeleteVery well written hun!! It really breaks it down for everyone. The problem is, I hope people start posting their BFPs. Nothing will come from this until people start posting. Once you start seeing them from regulars and oldies, you'll start to realize that they are a good thing! We support, support, support each other... let's continue to support, support, support even when they're KU. I hate that TTCALers feel shunned away from the group when they get their BFP.
ReplyDeleteAlso. I like what somnybooks said. Just because youre having a bad day, does not mean it is okay to rain on someone else's parade. If you are having a bad day, and can't handle a BFP post... skip over it. With the warning you can do that.
Very well said. I know I personally have not spent as much time lately posting, so if I were to get a BFP this cycle, I definitely would not post it. But I am going to try to be a little more active on the board. Thanks for posting this!
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this! It's very well said! I believe that if you are regular on the board and support others, then by all means you should be able to post your BFP! We are all trying to concieve after a loss. We have all been going through this journey together. And when the goal is reached it's exciting and scary and nerve wrecking, and I personally want to support those who get their BFPs because a lot of people develop friendships here. Would you shun your best friend IRL if it were the same situation? If you had both been suffering with TTCAL and then she got pregnant...would you say "Don't tell me about your pregnancy because i'm still trying?" Probably not. It's hurtful for me to see my friends pregnant but I don't tell them they aren't allowed to talk about it. And the grads are going through an experience that we are going to want advice on one day. We are going to have tons of questions when we get our BFPs and we are going to need and want their support. And as far as the newbies go, so what if they get a BFP after one or two cycles? In the time they were waiting for their BFP, they were also grieving a loss and not knowing when or if they would get pregnant, or what challenges they may face in the future. It's not their fault that they are new, and while trying they were scared, too. I think if you introduce yourself, and give support that it's completely fine. I only had a loss a month ago, but I regularly give support and make a main post when I just have something to get off my chest and feel like i'm needing the support. I consider myself a regular here, and it's been my safe haven. I really wish we could just all get along. We are all here for the same reason. And I don't think the grads should get booted out of everything because they finally achieved their goal. Isn't that what we all want for each other?? If it hurts too much then just don't open the post (I agree the posts should have a warning in the title)
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with this post. I think if you are a regular then it should be ok, as long as you aren't only posting questions that you need help you. Like the last line in the post says: You give support to get support.
ReplyDeleteI also agree that the title definitely needs to have a warning for those who are having an especially bad day.
It hurts my heart that people who have done nothing but give support day after day and get what everyone is striving to get on this board feel like they have to disappear when they get their BFP.
ReplyDeleteI posted for a year and half daily on this board and it is pretty upsetting to see that people do not post them anymore...it was a daily occurence when I first started on TTCAL and the members stayed around offering support,answering questions and offering advice. What changed?
Everyday it is stalk my chart, what did you do different this cycle, do you think I have a good timing ,do you think I O'd?..everything that leads up to a pregnancy but then when someone gets there shouldnt we also be happy for that too?
jen629 {{HUGS}}}
I completely agree!!!
ReplyDeleteI would love to see who is getting a positive pregnancy test. Since I started on this board, I have seen maybe two and worried that no one was getting pregnant! So, it is helpful to see that women are indeed getting pregnant after a loss.
ReplyDeleteI lurked from M/PL for several weeks before doing an intro on TTCAL. Very soon after the intro, there were tons of posts arguing whether people should be allowed to post their BFP or not. There were also quite a few posts calling out people who did not post often enough. It felt pretty aggressive and seemed like there were specific rules (both written and unwritten) that had to be followed. To be honest, I have not felt comfortable posting at TTCAL for these reasons.
ReplyDeleteI think that it is very sad that there are people who are offended by BFP posts. I think it is sad that if you are lucky enough to have a BFP, you are expected to immediately leave the board or have to post a warning about their BFPs. We have all experienced tremendous losses. We should celebrate the successes, unconditionally. TTC includes BFPs.
Perfectly said, Noah!
ReplyDeleteVery well said! If someone has been around, given support, and has made friends, then they should definitely be able to post their BFP!
ReplyDeleteI feel like I give support as much as I can. Almost all of my bump posts (almost 250) are on the loss boards and I have only started a few threads of my own. I don't think of myself as a reg because I know I haven't developed a specific relationship with anyone on the boards. I love all you ladies, each and every one (as in I'm not trying to say I don't care to have a relationship with anyone personally).
ReplyDeleteWith all of that being said, I would not post my BFP on the board no matter how long my stay is on TTCAL. I know that it would never bother me to see one, but I cannot speak for anyone else. If people want to know how I'm doing, then they can PM me because I cannot see myself leaving these boards even if I do get my BFP. I want to come back and post on PGAL/PAL welcomed posts to help others who will be in the situation I have been in. I want to show them that there is hopefully a light at the end of this sometimes long and very, very dark tunnel. But I don't see the need to post my BFP on the board. I know it's so people can be happy for me and see that people do indeed have success after loss, but not everyone is at a stage where they're comfortable seeing it and they shouldn't be told to just deal with it or leave (IMO). If I wasn't in the mood to see people's BFPs, I wouldn't open their post if they were to start one on TTCAL and I wouldn't lurk on PGAL. I do read these posts, and I do lurk on PGAL on days when I can be happy for that person. This is getting really long and wordy.
Short version: I welcome these posts on TTCAL because I am truly happy for women that find success after loss and it helps me stay positive BUT I would not post my BFP on TTCAL because how I feel about these posts may not be how some others feel and they shouldn't be banished from TTCAL to MC/PL because people want to post their BFPs
Hi everyone, I am new to this blog and I do not quite know where and how to start. Would anyone be willing to teach me how/where to start. I think this is a great site and a great place to get support. Thanks in advance. :)
ReplyDeleteHi just wants to say a very BIG thank you to JENNIFER for sharing an ARTICLE about DR. EKA
ReplyDeleteI saw an article that was posted by JENNIFER on how a spell caster helped her get PREGNANT while she was infertile so i decided to copy the email of the spell caster because i also felt that i will need his help because i had FIBROID and i was unable to conceive for more 13 years.i almost lost my marriage.
i emailed the spell caster just about a month ago and he told me that he will cast my spell after 2 days.. Actually, after 2 days i went for a medical checkup and my FIBROID had vanished.
am so so happy now because i am just two weeks PREGNANT.
so i wish to say THANK YOU jennifer for informing me about DR EKA (dreka14demons@gmail.com).
well, i shouldn't be self fish with this chance of healing. so i also will drop his email here so that you can contact him for any MARITAL ISSUE.
his email is (dreka14demons@gmail.com)